Soo... Here goes. Hi. My name is Melissa & I'm a food addict. This is a blog about my fight to save my life, have the family Ive always wanted with my Hubby, & figure out just what Jesus wants me to do on this earth. 
My life these days seems to blend one day to the next. I'm just going thru the motions mostly. Not really feeling like I'm accomplishing anything significant.Always feeling like I'm striving for a truly unattainable place of completion or satisfaction.
 It seems everyone around me is doing what I yearn for most. Someones getting weight loss surgery after barely even trying to lose weight. Most likely their surgery isn't going to be effective because they aren't making the necessary life style changes. Everywhere I turn there is some else pregnant. Usually someone young, unmarried, or someone that says "Oops, I didn't take my birth control,I wasn't planning on getting pregnant, I really didn't want a baby" I get nauseous & silently angry about the whole mess. Especially where it seems they don't understand the gravity of the most beautiful & precious gift of that child they're carrying. And when someone just walks into their Doc & says "Hey, I'm fat. Fix it". Approved, stamped & delivered. That easy. And here I am... Insurance "specifically excludes weight loss surgeries or procedures". Ive been literally a month away from surgery when my Hubby lost his job & COBRA was out of reach. Yes. I still cry about that once in a while. But recently I realized that I need to be on my knees in prayer to the Lord Most High. I cant be stuck in the pit of "poor pitiful me" long, or Ill drown in a sickening cess pool of muck & mire of self pity & wounded pride. I need to lay all my plans at the feet of Jesus. Apparently, to this point in my life, my navigation skills have always taken the longest , hardest , bumpiest route EVA! Well, (cliche as it may sound), Jesus take the wheel. I don't want this anymore. A song from Tenth Avenue North best explains it, "Empty my hands, fill up my heart, capture my mind with you Lord." So,my Creator King, I'm going to give it all to you. I cant promise I wont struggle to hand things to You, or snatch them back from You once in a while, or fight to fix things myself still. But, with Your help, I'm praying for strength, peace, & mostly Your love that never fails. I thank you in advance. I truly hope You know what You're in for. Sincerely, Your Daughter.